The End is the Beginning is The Expected is the Trite

Tarot A Day

Page of Pentacles

Today the moon is void-of-course, meaning it’s not directly under any sign, but transitioning into a new one. You’re on your own today.

The card I pulled is the Page of Pentacles, which shows success and new endeavors. Keep your eye on the prize as rewards will come with new opportunities. Keep your enthusiasm high and all energy positive and good things will happen.

In my specific deck, it is the Knave of Coins, and I have translated that to reflect the traditional tarot.

Tarot A Day

The Moon

Today is January 2nd, 2020 and the Tarot card I drew this morning is The Moon. Tonight the Moon will be at First Quarter, which is a good time to take action. Make moves toward your plans and intentions. Your energy is increasing and there is a lot around you to observe and take in. Take time to learn from your surroundings.

The Moon is a complex card. Pulling it before a First Quarter moon makes me focus more on the illusions and behind-the-scenes movement it represents. Be aware today. Think before speaking. Plan your actions. Breathe and balance yourself before making your move. Make sure you’re taking in all possibilities and thinking it through. If it doesn’t feel right, wait. Trust your instinct and be prepared. Something you can’t see yet is brewing.

Tarot A Day

The Emperor

Today is Wednesday, January 1st. Kwanzaa has ended, 2020 has just started and tonight at 8pm PCT the moon will enter Aries. When the moon enters Aries, it’s a good time to start a short-time goal or project and see it through. For me, it’s writing everyday. Longer term projects may fade out when started with the moon in Aries, but do not let that discourage you from trying something small instead. Any step toward progress is a good one.

The card I pulled today is The Emperor. This is quite funny because this year is the Year of the Emperor. The Emperor represents great wisdom and reflection. With your life’s experiences in mind, it’s time to look around you and see what serves you well and what does not. This is a great tie to end relationships that hinder you and where you want to be. Do not think too far ahead: Look at what’s in front of you and take inventory. What do these things make you feel? Do they improve your life or somehow make it less enjoyable? Purge the things that stop you from being who you truly are. Start small. Any progress is progress. This purge will bring stability, more authority in your power, and the tiniest bit of control to absolute chaos. Take the time to reflect on your needs and satiate them. Be warned that indulgence or inaccurate callings of needs with bring obstruction to your character, maturity and inner power. Know yourself or you are doomed.



[photo] first love.

Here’s to the first loves. We learned a lot, didn’t we? 


[Words] dough.

His skin once firm

Stretched over frail bones

Now like dough 

Still soft

Never mentioned

My prison on display 

No choice

As his silently exists

Only noticed by the ones who feel him

And never say a word.


[Memoir] RIP Chris Cornell

My dad is the master of texting me when people die. More often than not it’s a celebrity, and he informs me bluntly, yet with a sympathetic concern as he knows that I deal with death in a strange and sensitive way. Even if I never personally knew the people. He won’t tell me that people are in the hospital unless he knows for certain they’re not coming back out, as he knows death affects me a bit differently than others.

I have what I myself consider a type of disconnect from people. It’s strange because I thought for so long that I wanted to feel connected to people, but now as an older version of my younger self, I see that it was more of the opposite. I claimed that no one understood me, but really it was more like I didn’t understand them and my ego kept me from even trying because time is energy and I’m drained of all that. So I put my faith and admiration to idols that I would never meet and never have to go through that “inevitable” disappointment with.

I blame my father for everything. I kid, but really it was partially his fault for giving me music. He didn’t create any, but he shared his collection with me. Not many 3-year-old kids know all the words to every song on Appetite for Destruction, but I sure did. I can’t thank him enough. It was these albums that helped me feel connected to the world. Maybe not Guns N’ Roses, specifically, but I remember wanting to listen to his Adam and the Ants records on repeat and that obviously left a mark.

As I got older, I branched out on my own into the eclectic realm of modern music. Nirvana Nevermind was my first CD (but for those keeping cred points, I did have Bleach on cassette), and it was bought after much persistence as my dad blames Kurt for the death of Hair Metal. He’s not wrong. I remember him saying “Music is supposed to be fun!” and I was like “Life is pain.” or something trite and full of spiteful angst.

At a certain point, we began to merge back to mutual appreciation of certain artists and albums. Soundgarden was one of them. I remember when he bought Superunkown and we would listen to it while doing homework (I was in grade school and Dad was finsihing his Bachelor’s) in the living room of our old duplex in Desert Hot Springs. I also learned about Kurt Cobain’s suicide in that duplex. Also got my first period there, too! Just some fun FYI.

When dad texted me this morning to let me know about Chris Cornell’s passing, I was instantly shook. Did not see that coming. And we exchanged some sad emojis, and we both agreed he was one of the best singers in rock history and an amazing performer (We both were able to see Soundgarden, but unfortunately not together). Later today while I was getting ready for my day listening to Soundgarden with the rest of the grungy goths of the world, I felt a small flutter of peace knowing how lucky I am to have a dad that knew how I felt. He was as bummed as me. He understood finding inspiration in Chris and being really sad that he was gone. There may be a lot of disadvantages for having teenage parents, but I’m grateful. My dad gets me. And he’s sad about Chris Cornell, too. And he was sad about Bowie, of course. And Prince. I don’t know if there’s a lot of people who can bond over the affect that rock stars have had on their life with their parents, but I think it’s pretty special that I can. I mean, at least my dad. My mom’s favorite KISS member is Peter Criss, and I think that says enough in itself.

For the record, my dad supported Audioslave as a band way before I did, so sometimes your dad does know what he’s talking about. But he also hates The Cure, so, you can’t always be right.

Reflection Uncategorized

[Reflection] Know Your Audience

To be quite honest, I refrain from blogging mostly because I find myself talking about myself, or my interests and I worry that sometimes they might not appeal to my audience. However, after much reflection, I’ve decided to do it anyway. As an introvert with anxiety and depression, it’s easier for me to speak here than to a person in the flesh. I hope that’s cool?


Cosmetics Photos Product Review

[Cosmetics] Peri’s Tint by Peripera in “Cherry Juice”

Cherry Juice shade of Peri's Tint by Peripera
Cherry Juice shade of Peri’s Tint by Peripera


Accidentally fell upon a Korean marketplace in Anaheim while looking for a record store. Apparently, all of them are seriously gone, by the way. We tried to get to two different record stores and both were no more. In this market, I found a cosmetic counter that carried this brand that I personally have never heard of called Peripera. Honestly, I chose this based on the cute packaging. I’m kind of an easy sell on cute stuff.

The tint is very watery, and it’s kind of annoying because in my case, it seeped into my mouth and feathered a bit on my upper lip. It tastes icky, but not enough to never wear it again. However, the tint dries quickly and stays on well. It also shows up great, as you can see in the photo above. The lower left is without any product on my lips, and the lower right is with just the stain on.

I like a more bold lip, so I intend to use this stain under some red liner and lipstick for a cherry red lip. I do like how the stain sets and brings a nice, soft red color to my lips. Underneath a balm, it looks like I have naturally rose-colored lips, like so much Snow White.

I found this product for $10. You can get it on eBay from $7-$12.


[Memoir Chapter] Still Alive

Oops. I’ve been terrible at keeping this site alive and active. I could come up with various excuses, and most would be valid, but really who gives a shit? I’m here now, my sweet babies. If you even noticed I was gone to begin with. *Cue teenage angst*

For the first few years this blog has been an archive of gothy lifestyle fashions and trends. I want to keep that going, but I also want to just blog about life, death, love and music in a completely opinionated perspective. I want to be the Lena Dunham of goth culture, but with way less unnecessary truths and uneducated political views. Dude, would Kylo Ren be like a goth version of Adam Sackler? Sorry, Girls tangent. Anyway, I guess that’s all I wanted to say for now.